I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
