when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
