I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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