Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
