Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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