took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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