Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
