It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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