I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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