Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
