It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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