I looked at my own cervix.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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