if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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