that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
