R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
