you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
