Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
