At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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