I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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