i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
