Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
