I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
