wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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