I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
