# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
