k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
