It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
