Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
