I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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