You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
