I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
