Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize