She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
