ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
