Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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