Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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