six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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