I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
