She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
