He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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