My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think I sprained my soul last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
