Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
