i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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