I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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