i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize