i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
