so that wasnt chicken after all
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
