I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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