It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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