Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
