She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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