Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
