I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
