Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
