You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
