i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
