My sheets look like a crime scene.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
