it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
