you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
