Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
