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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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