I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
