Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
