Having a random hookup so left but love u
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
