you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
