My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
