Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize