i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
