I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
