Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
