I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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