Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he fucked my hip out of place.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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