She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
