i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i out mim tonsoeep
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize