dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
