He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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